Dealing with Perfectionism and Criticism
You’re in the right place if you want to…
learn how to overcoming perfectionism and gracefully take criticism
understand how reframe your expectations of yourself and others
become more compassionate with yourself
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In this segment of the show we choose a Tarot Card for the week and we look for moments that relate to this card in our daily lives. For this episode we chose the Ten of Pentacles. The theme of this card is excess in terms of wealth and opulence. The first generation accumulated so much wealth and physical possessions, that they can pass it on to the children and even the grandchildren.
I tend to think of the ten cards as like an epilogue to the story. They wrap everything up and prepare you to say goodbye to the characters as they embark on the next phase of their story. With the ten of pentacles, we see that the story of the older generation is ending and the story picks up with the next generation.
You can hear Erica’s and Maggie’s stories related to the Ten of Pentacles by listening to the episode.
WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM?
The main topic for this week is a conversation about overcoming perfectionism. Now we’ve talked about perfectionism on this podcast before, but what exactly is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the feeling that you want to avoid a task because you feel like you’ll mess it up, or do it at the wrong time or in the wrong way. It’s a desire to learn how to do something but never actually putting in the time to learn because you don’t want to do it wrong.
Perfectionism can also be about being critical about yourself and what you are capable of. It’s when you think you can’t do something because you don’t think you are worthy, or you don’t think you have the right knowledge, skills, or ability.
Alternatively, perfectionism could look like overworking and trying to prove yourself. Hermione Granger comes to mind. She has insecurities about being muggle born so she works extra hard to prove she’s just as good if not better than the witches and wizards who grew up in magical households.
In terms of witchcraft this looks like not casting a spell because it’s the wrong day or the wrong moon phase or you don’t have the right tools or materials, or you think you’re not good enough or haven’t learned enough. And at the same time, it’s not wanting to learn a new practice or method because learning usually involves doing things improperly until you get the hang of it.
We have both struggled with perfectionism and are still working on getting over it, but we want to share a few tips that have helped us release some of the tension that builds up when perfectionism enters the room.
HOW TO OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM
Done is Better than Perfect
Whenever I feel myself slipping into perfectionism, I repeat the mantra, “Done is better than perfect.”
My husband and I just celebrated our 2 year anniversary in August. Our first dance at our wedding was to a song called If We Were Vampires by Jason Isbell. The premise is that we aren’t immortal, but if we were, life and love wouldn’t be as meaningful. Anyway, we were thinking about that and we decided to get ourselves Apple Watches in an effort to motivate us to take better care of our bodies. That way we can be healthy together for longer, since we can’t be together for eternity. Sort of morbid, but practical.
The reason I bring this up is because the Apple Watch has a feature where you set goals for yourself. How much energy you want to use, how many minutes you want to exercise, and standing for a certain amount of time throughout the day. I know myself, and if the goal is too hard, I won’t even try. So, I set the goals to something a bit more than my natural tendencies. But, if I were being a perfectionist I would set those goals much higher.
Reframe Your Expectations
In a world of beautiful instagram feeds and pinterest boards, it’s easy to feel like our practice is not good enough. But spirituality is not about the aesthetic. Spirituality and witchcraft are meant to support you, empower you, and sustain you. If it’s stressing you out trying to make it look a certain way, it’s not worth it.
Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. Take a step back and think about why you want it to be perfect. What will you actually gain from perfection? What will happen if it’s not perfect and it’s just good? Can you gain something from that too?
As humans, we are imperfect. It’s part of our charm. We try something. If it works great! If it doesn’t we learn from it, adjust, and try again. That’s how you learn a new witchcraft practice. And the beautiful thing about witchcraft is that—unless you follow an orthopraxic tradition—there is no right or wrong way to do things. So, as you try out a new practice and learn, your own flavor is added to the mix.
CRITICISM
Perfectionism often leads to criticism, especially self criticism.
No one is immune to negative self-talk. Everyone has something they don’t like in their personality or their looks. But letting it dominate your thoughts prevents you from taking action. When you expect yourself to be perfect and are so critical of yourself, you create resistance.
Become aware of when you are being hard on yourself through mindful meditation. I like to name my negative self-talk persona. She’s called Laurel. When I notice Laurel is being really mean or saying untrue things, I tell her she’s hurting my feelings.
Neurodivergent people are especially susceptible to taking criticism to heart whether it comes from an external source or your own brain. This is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or RSD. It feels like real criticism although it is almost always imagined. That doesn’t make it hurt less though.
For me, I just have to say what hurt my feelings out loud to someone and since it’s hard to explain why it hurt me and it starts to sound illogical, it usually dissipates.
Instead of looking for what could go wrong, look for what could go right. Look for things to appreciate.
Be compassionate with yourself. What do you like about yourself? Turn the things you don’t like about yourself around into things you do like. “I don’t like the way my voice sounds” can be “I am so happy I can express myself verbally.”
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Send us a voicemail
We play one listener voicemail on each episode of Talk Witchcraft, with a few exceptions. To send us a voicemail, record a voice memo on your phone and email it to welisten [at] talkwitchcraft [dot] com. Please keep in mind that we only choose voicemails that are two minutes in length or shorter (even if they’re great!).
What we’re looking for in a voicemail
Share from your personal experiences (especially experiences that we could never have) and use that to illuminate the zodiac season or theme in new ways.
Ask questions of Erica and Maggie, so we have an opportunity to respond meaningfully to your voicemail during the podcast.
Use one of these prompts: Is there something happening with you and your life that aligns with the current zodiac season or a Tarot card? How do your experiences show us something new about the magic, something that we haven’t talked about so far?
Send a voicemail even if you’re behind on the podcast. If your voicemail is about a previous episode, zodiac season, or tarot card; that doesn’t mean we won’t choose it!
Tips for recording a great voicemail
Make sure you’re somewhere quiet.
Plan what you’re going to say ahead of time, because two minutes goes quickly.
Opt for talking freely based on a bullet pointed list rather than reading word-for word from a script.
Let us know if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.
Wait, don’t go yet!
Thanks for hanging out with me today. If you’ve enjoyed this post of Talk Witchcraft, I invite you to check out mumblesacademy.com.
Mumbles Academy is the place to be for intuitive souls at any stage on their WitchPath. Whether you are a Wildling at the very beginning of witchcraft journey and looking for a safe learning environment, a Creator who is already committed to their practice and wants to develop their witchcraft skills even more, or a Sage who full of wisdom already and is ready to share that with others, Mumbles Academy was designed for you.
With monthly masterclasses and live Q&As, an extensive archive of courses and training, and a supportive community to help you along the way with encouragement and advice, Mumbles Academy is the perfect place for you to be as you as you continue on your WitchPath.
Now it’s your turn!
Have you named your negative self talk persona?
